


You're Only A Hero When You're Dead

by katebishoop



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Canon Compliant, Character Study, Gen, Introspection, Minor Character Death, Mother-Son Relationship, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-21
Updated: 2018-02-21
Packaged: 2019-03-22 00:31:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13752444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katebishoop/pseuds/katebishoop
Summary: Poe isn’t a Jedi. He isn’t Force sensitive, or whatever they call it. But he’s force familiar. He grew up with a Jedi tree of life in his backyard...----Poe. Poe, and the Force. Poe, and Leia.





	You're Only A Hero When You're Dead

Poe’s mother died when he was eight years old.

His oldest memory of her was when he was three, and she took him out to do barrel rolls on Yavin. His last memory of her is her name on a page, her accomplishments laid out, in a condolence letter sent and signed by General Leia Organa.

* * *

“Poe Dameron, General.” Poe said, to the woman with the stern eyes and kind face. This isn’t what Poe had pictured General Organa to look like. His mother had always held up two rolls to her ears when talking about her, and Poe had assumed she wasn’t quite human.

But she was, and Poe could see it was probably in a reference to her hair.

“Dameron, yes.” General Organa said. “I’d recognize you anywhere.”

And Poe recognized the look in the General’s eyes - it was the same look that his father got when remembering Poe’s mother. 

* * *

He was on his way to her, to debrief from his recon mission when he heard shouting.

“Dirty rotten scoundrel.”

“Where’s Luke?”

“How could you let this happen?”

“He’s our don, Han-”

“We should never have let him-”

Then, crying.

He left. He’d debrief her later.

* * *

Years later, he’s about to leave on a mission when he’s called back.

At first he’s furious, he doesn’t know why he’s been grounded, or by who. He’s just pissed, because they’ve been - he’s been - planning this strike for months, and it’s leaving without him.

He’s stomping down the halls, BB-8 nipping at his heels. He barged on to the bridge. “Who the kriff-?”

“I’m the kriff.” General Organa said, and Poe’s jaw snapped shut. “My office, Dameron.”

Is this because of his argument with Lieutenant Connix? Or another rip at him for “unnecessary risks” after his last narrow escape? Or, could something have happened to his father-?

“I need you to focus, Poe.” General Organa said, and before his eyes, she melted into just Leia. Leia, a tired woman, princess, mother, that Poe had come to know in quiet moments throughout the years. “I need you for a different mission. Off the books.”

He knew that look in her eyes then too, this was a matter of family.

“What do I need to do?”

* * *

Poe isn’t a Jedi. He isn’t Force sensitive, or whatever they call it. But he’s force familiar. He grew up with a Jedi tree of life in his backyard.

The pain behind his eyes, the burning sensation that ripped at his seams - that wasn’t the force. Not the way he knows it. This was nothing but darkness.

Barrel rolls with his mother on Yavin. His father carrying him on his shoulders. HIs first kiss, his first crash. Joining the Republic, defecting to the resistance. Mission after mission. Keep it fuzzy, keep it fuzzy-

_ A dark hallway, voices yelling- _

_ “He’s our son, Han-” _

And the sith lord formally known as Ben Solo grabbed his mind like a vice, a volcano covering him in ash-

And the thought of BB-8 rolling into the desert on Jakku was Poe’s last thought before he blacked out.

* * *

When he woke up on Jakku, he thought the last twenty-four hours or so had been a dream.

Did he really come face to face with Kylo Ren? Did he imagine up a Storm Trooper who defected?

“I’m going to call you Finn.”

No, he didn’t. But neither the TIE fighter nor the other man were in sight. He had no idea how long he’d been out, on both the Star Destroyer or on Jakku. But his emergency check would be coming soon, if it hadn’t already.

“This is off the books, there will be no rescue mission if you fail.” Leia had said. “However, there will be a resistance smuggling ship making a run to the planet. If you lose contact, you could catch a ride with them…”

* * *

Poe’s bones ached, but he didn’t go to the med bay. He went straight to her.

She hugged him. In the privacy of her office she could afford to show this much emotion.

“I saw him.” Poe told her. Not his face, but his mask. Not your son, but the monster that he’s become.

“Tell me about the mission.” Leia said, pulling back. “Does he have the map?”

They sat down at the table and a droid filled their cups with caf. Poe launched into his tale: the village, BB-8, Phasma, Kylo Ren, and a Stormtrooper…

* * *

Flying an X-Wing was like no other feeling in the world to Poe. The speed, the rush. The water flying up from the wind, sun shining through it, creating a rainbow.

He imagined that this was what the light side of the Force felt like. Barrel rolls and trees and speed.

* * *

He was coming down from the adrenaline rush when he heard that familiar beeping sound.

“BB-8! Buddy!” Poe kneeled down to his droid. “You made it! I knew you would!”

BB-8 beeped wildly in agreement. Poe looked up, and then there’s the other man that Poe had thought a ghost or a dream. 

“Finn!” He hugged the other man. He could barely believe it. He had so many questions. He pulled back- “Is that my jacket?”

“Oh, yeah, sorry-” Finn moved to take it off.

Poe put his hand on Finn’s shoulder. “No, keep it.” Poe said. “It looks good on you.”

Poe bit his lip. It looked really kriffing good.

* * *

They destroyed Starkiller Base.

Han Solo was dead.

Finn was hanging on for dear life.

Leia was already reforming. A piece of metal forged and reforged, getting stronger with every setback. Skin of reinforced steel, heart of Kyber.

They had a lot of work to do. They had no time to mourn. It was only a matter of time before the First Order found its footing and came for them.

* * *

Came for them they did.

Three plus star destroyers, and a dreadnaught. It wasn’t the stupidest plan Poe had ever come up with, surprisingly, but it was definitely up there.

One of his greatest weaknesses was not quitting when he was ahead.

“We can take out a dreadnought!” Poe yelled. They couldn’t keep running-

“Fall back, Dameron.” General Organa said. “That’s an-”

Poe turned off their comms.

* * *

“Naked Finn wet bag?” Poe asked, confused. BB-8 whirled it’s head around, and Poe followed.

It was Finn, walking around in just his bacta suit, leaking everywhere.

“Finn!” Poe called as he ran. “Finn, buddy, you’re awake.” Poe looked him over. “Come on let’s get you out of this, you must have so many questions.”

But he only had one, and he said it with such determination. “Where’s Rey?”

Poe blinked. Of course. He gave Finn a comforting smile; it’s all he could really do right now. “She’s completing the mission, buddy.”

* * *

“Patched it up for you.”

Poe handed Finn the jacket, the one he’d given Finn. Finn ran his hand over the stitching, wincing a bit. Poe thankfully didn’t know what it was like to be cut by a lightsaber, and he hoped he would never find out.

Finn shrugged the jacket on, a bit stiffly. He was tense. There’s no way Poe is going to get him to just stay in his bunk and rest.

To be fair, Poe himself would never do that.

* * *

Leia’s hand smacked him across the face. “You’re demoted.”

“We took out a dreadnought, crippling them-”

“We lost too many lives.”

“Heroes-”

“Dead heroes.” Leia snapped. “Not leaders.”

The alarm sounded. They’d been tracked through lightspeed.

“Permission to go jump in an X-wing and blow something up?”

“Permission granted.”

* * *

Dead heroes.

Dead heroes.

Those two words rang in his head, even after Commander D’Acy said that Leia was alive. 

They rang in his head when Holdo was chewing him out, when he stormed down the halls. The words beat against his skin in the refresher, until he’s hot, red, and raw.

He can’t stop thinking about the words as he holds her hand where she lies unconscious. It feels cold, like a corpse.

He won’t see her name written on the top of a page. He already knows her - knows all her accomplishments. He can feel her.

He’s no Jedi. He’s not force sensitive. But he’s force familiar. He’s familiar with Leia, with her fire and her strength and her will.

He’d recognize her anywhere.

She was going to be alright. The real question though, was would they all be alright.

It was no time to be a hero. It was time to be a leader.

**Author's Note:**

> Originally this was supposed to go all the way through the end of the Last Jedi. Let me know if I should do a part two!


End file.
